Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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