dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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