he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
