life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
