omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
