The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
