I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
