no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
