Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
