Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
