I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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