There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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