ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
