no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
