butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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