Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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