i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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