if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
