I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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