Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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