Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
