I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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