Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
