I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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