so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
