Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
