I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
