im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
