there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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