absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
