Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
