Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
