HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
