I'm gonna have a badass scar
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
