Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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