You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize