I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
