dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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