On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
