I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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