your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
