I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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