Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
