i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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