I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
