The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
