can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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