I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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