If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
