Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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