she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
