erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
