Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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