Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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