And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
