How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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