How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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