Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
