pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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