Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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