When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
