Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
