Don't you send me to vm
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
