We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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