Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
