you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
