He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we should paint friendship bongs
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