OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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