just come out here and I will go home with you...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
