38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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