my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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