I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
