Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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