this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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