Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
