hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
