Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
